relapses...

This week has taught me how very far I have still to go. With one thing and another, I found myself again daydreaming. It starts with just the smallest idea, and then it grows, until I find myself just pacing and letting my mind go rampant. I can't find anything to do with myself because my mind is in this other space. It's such a hard thing to fight, partially because I actually find myself enjoying it, at least for a time. I has always been fun to wonder about things. I just go too far... too far... I really need lots of prayer on this.

Removing distractions

This is something that I've been thinking and trying to work on for some time now. There are soo many things that are only distractions or time wasters in my life. It's not even that I use them very often, but they're still there. One big one right now is video games. I know some of you probably don't even know that I play them, but I do (rpg's and such mostly). I tryed to pack up all my games and my PS2 and all in a box and put it away, but I ended up taking it out again. I finally decided that the only way to keep myself away from it is to get rid of it all. I'd like to sell it, the PS2, the games, all of it, and save the money for something much more important. If anyone out there is interested in the console or the games, just ask. I even have a few players guides to go with some games.

The other thing that I'm wondering about is something that I'm really not sure how to handle yet. One of my favorite things is books. I love my books, even if I don't read them very much. I don't see them as a terrible thing in themselves, but I wonder if they are another thing that is just in the way. I need to do some serious praying about this.

I just want to start spending time doing things that are worthwhile and not just, well, selfish. It just doesn't seem that that is the way a christian should be. I know that that's not what God wants for me.

meaningless post...

Wow... I haven't been on for a week and I have a TON of catching up to do (meaning reading other peoples blogs). If you don't know, I usually check on everything about once every day or two, but for some reason (which I haven't discovered as of yet) our computer that we use for internet is not turning on right now, so I haven't been able to go online at all. Right now I'm at the coffeehouse, but actually, I have to get going, just wanted to say that... yeah...

a busy life

It's been an interesting past week or two. I've been learning a lot. I've gone from times of great joy, to times of trials, even within a few hours. I've been working a lot (compared to what I expected, at least, though some people would say that I work very little). I've found that God has led me back, slowly but surely, to babysitting. I've been kinda against it since working in EC. I just really had a hard time there, and just.... I couldn't stand looking after other people's kids. Now God has been showing me that I can do it. I have been babysitting for my aunts friend for a while now (about once a week or so) and now I'm going to be babysitting for a lady in my mom's book group (the very one reading "Captivating"). She has two girls, both in school, and I'll be sitting there every other week, at least once a week. I just went and met her today, and her girls. One is such a tomboy you can hardly tell she's a girl. The other is fairly ladylike and very honest (you know that refreshing child-like honesty). I think it will work out well. Then there's my job with the shoes. Last week I worked Almost every day, even though I was only scheduled for 3 days. My manager person was down with the flu, so I picked up her hours. It really is an answer to prayers, to help pay my bills and everything. Tomorrow is going to be my only "free" day of this week. Wednesday is going to be.... busy. I have work in the morning, and as soon as I get out of work, I pick up the girls from school, and head to their house. Then at around 5:30 I take them to youth group and head stright to my church for bible study. I'm going to need to actually pre-plan a bit for it. It will be good for me, though. The biggest thing I have to make sure I work into my schedule this week is actually getting things done around my own house. I am still very badly distracted by books (I read one and a half today...) and keep putting off my household duties. Luckily, after I finish the other half of this book, I won't have any more to distract me (I should finish it tonight, and I don't think I'll have time to get to the library until thursday for more). The thing is is that I just LOVE this author! It's Janette Oke, and I've so far read 4 series' (or I'm finishing the fourth). There are still a few more series' and then some seperate books that I have left to read. I just love the way that she writes, in such a realistic and helpful way. There's a lot of real wisdom in her books. It's not like any "romance" that I've ever read (christian romance).

In other news, my birthday is coming this weekend. I'm planning a small get together at the Munchies on fri, and then I'll be going to my dad's for supper on sat. It will be soo fun. 22 years on this planet. It's hard to think of.