Soaring on Wings of Faith

hanging in there

2007-11-27T14:11:00.000-06:00

Well, I looked through my links and found that there are 6 bloggers still hanging on. Good for you all. I haven't had much of a chance to blog recently (like the last few months). But now I am actually blogging again. Amazing, huh?

Let's see... A lot has happened since July...
I am still adjusting to my apartment (and apartment living in general), but I think I should be getting to the end of the unpacking stage soon :) I just got a spare bed from my parents, and it is my cats new favorite place for sleeping. I still have some boxes in theat room that I've been putting off sorting through/throwing away. I'm really good at holding onto junk. I also got a couple of bookshelves so I could finally take my books out of their boxes and somewhere I can actually see them. That has helped a lot in the clearing of the junk pile. My apartment is looking more and more homey every day, or so it seems to me. Last friday I went with my dad, step-mom, brother and sister-in-law to the tree farm and got myself a christmas tree. It is now in a corner of my livingroom, and my apartment has the wonderful piney smell to it (yummy!)
Thanksgiving week was a bit crazy, but God has blessed me soo much. I don't know how or when I found time to sleep, or bake or do any of the things that I did last week, but I did, and I had a wonderful time. (I didn't even fall asleep in the car with all of the driving!) It was great to see all of my family (or most of them, some of them were not there, but I should see them at christmas...) My little cousins are growing soo fast! I requested pics of them from my aunts so I can keep batter track of them. I discovered I really have no pics of anyone around my place, and that makes me kind of sad...
Along a more personal line, I've been going through a lot of internal struggles lately. I had been slipping back into old habits and ignoring my regular devotions. Every time I came to church, I was reminded that I wasn't where I should be, and yet as soon as I got back into my car, I just went back to what I had been doing. And I hated myself for it. Then I had something of a wake-up call, when I realized that one of our sisters had left us. I thought, that could be me, and that is likely to be me, if I keep going this way. And so I picked up my bible, and I can't really discribe the peace that came to me. It was like a fair loaf to one who is hungry. There is still struggles, but now it's like my mind has cleared out again, and I can turn to God and talk to Him when the temptation strikes me. Strangely enough, I also have started keeping house better now, and enjoying it. It is actually somewhat soothing to clean. Strange, huh?
~H

....dying blogs....

2007-07-31T11:36:00.000-05:00

So I come on here thinking, wow, I must have soooo much to catch up on, I haven't been on here in over a month... and I find that hardly anyone else has either.... sad....

Let's see, what can I say about my life the past month.... Cornerstone was sooo fun (even with the bad experience in de-hydration the last night...) I can't wait for next year!

Let's see....

Oh, yeah. I moved. Yes. Into my very own 2 bedroom apartment. I love it, though I don't think its fully sunk in that this is my home now. It's all mine, and only mine. Maybe it will hit me one of these days... Thanks to many loving family members, I am well set-up with furniture and such things. My cat seems to be enjoying being an only cat, though I'm thinking she's going to be getting fat and lazy all by herself when I'm working and sleeping all the time, so I'm seriously considering getting a nice little kitten from the humane society as a playmate for her. The unpacking is going fairly well, though I still have a large pile of boxes waiting to get unpacked/stored away. I currently can't get into my storage area in the basement, though the lardlord has promised to open it for me soon. I am planning on having a nice girls night thing sometime soon, when I get everything settled and all.

Work is going really well. I'm getting trained in on a new position, called floor runner, which is a pretty nice job. I would actually be a backup floor runner, in case the regular one doesn't show up or some such.

Anyway, I should get home and wash some more dishes....

....signing on

2007-06-18T17:50:00.000-05:00

yeah... so it's been about a month or so, huh? I bet your all wondering what's been going on.... or maybe not.... but if you didn't, why would you be looking at this blog in the first page? Why not just go and... umm... play some games or watch some videos or something more entertaining?

That said, things are going fairly well. My job has been great so far. I have been told that I'm a fast worker, and that if I want to go full time (since I'm now just a temp) that my lead will put in a good word for me (when I get my hours in. You have to work 520 hours before they'll consider you for full employment). They hours haven't actually been too bad so far. I have had a couple nights where I wasn't sure if I'd be able to keep myself awake until the shift end, but God gives me the energy to pull through. One of my main ideas is that I am not going to start drinking caffiene just to stay awake. I don't like caffiene, and don't want to become reliant on it for my daily energy (not to say anything bad about those who need the extra boost). We did have a hardish week this week, though. We had one temp that was told not to come back (she wasn't working very dhard or some such, and she had a really bad attitude). They hired another girl, but then one of the full timers didn't come in all week (not sure if she quite or was just taking the week off...). One of the other temps quite because they wouldn't hire him full time (he had completed his 520 hours and everything). And so, on the friday night shift, we only had three operators, except that I was only working a half shift (6 hours) and one of the other guys was leaving an hour early as well. Thankfully we only had three machines running, and then one of them had to be shut down because it wasn't working right. I still feel sorry for my lead, though...

So yeah, I left early because saturday was my dear cousins wedding day. I've really been of two minds about this marriage since she first announced it, but I was very much reasured at the wedding. I still think they rushed things quite a bit, but... They both seem to have a very good understanding of the Godly responsibility that they are commiting themselves to. It was a fun wedding as well, since it was more or less ren themed (except for the blue grass music...) As a gift for the groomsmen they got them all swords (the real kind) which they wore with their costumes. My cousins brother looked very much like a pirate (especially when he started walking around later with an empty wine bottle and pretending to swig from it, then burst out with "why is all the rum gone?" ....maybe you needed to be there... I also was able to get back together with an old friend at the wedding, and we plan on hanging out again sometime.

Anyway... My dad's chemo is going pretty well so far. He still has hair :) He has actually been able to start going back to work on a limited bases, on the weeks when he doesn't take his chemo treatments. Continue to keep him in your prayers.

Aside from that, the biggest thing in my mind and plans right now is C-stone. It's almost hard to believe that we are going to be leaving in less than a week.... I'm kinda scared, really... And very excited.

Well, that's it for what's going on here I think.... Now you can go back to your games and videos, I'm sure they'll be much more entertaining anyway.

Signing off.....

The Nursery

2007-05-22T11:59:00.000-05:00

The Nursery
One Day a man learned he was going to be a father. So he went and built a large room. In the walls he cut windows, and in the ceiling he put lights. He painted the walls and put soft carpeting in the floor. Then he built beautiful furniture and put it into the room. He made blankets and clothing. He even made toys and stuffed animals. He put them in the room he had built in the places he had made for them to go. He looked over every detail of the room, and said it was perfect. The the babies were born. He brought them into the room. He told them, "See this beautiful room, with all that is in it? I made this all for you, because I love you."

Inspired by Genesis chapter 1

well... it's update time!

2007-05-01T09:54:00.000-05:00

I know, it's been a while since I last posted. To tell the truth, I really haven't felt like posting lately. Now I do. So, I am. Yeah.

Firstly, my dad is doing pretty well. Today he's going in for his third chemo treatment. He's still doing pretty good, though he is getting worn out, and for a few days after each treatment, food really holds no appeal to him. He is starting to loose some hair, but it hasn't started coming out in clumps or anything yet. He was able to go down to his brothers wedding last weekend, and had a good time, though he did say he was very tired out after it. I went over to celebrate my birthday with him this past week, and we had a good time. My step-mom made a really tasty pineapple upside down cake. They are both hoping dad can keep his hair at least until my brothers wedding, which is coming up really really soon! If not, Mary's all ready to go and buy him a really nice wig :)

Speacking of the wedding, I really hope that I'm going to be ready for it. My dress is in the shop right now getting fixed up, and should be done by next monday (you know, only five days before the wedding...) I have been asked to sing a duet with my uncle for the wedding as well, and since he lives about... 5 or 6 hours away, we aren't going to be able to get together to practice until the day before the wedding. Thankfully, it's a song I've known since I was 11, so it shouldn't be that bad...

Now, for what you've all been waiting for! (or maybe not...) I got a job!!!!! It's a plastice moulding job through a temp agency, and it's full time. It's 12 hour shifts (which is a lot, I know) but it's only 3 to 4 days a week. And the best part is, it won't interfere with church! (Well, I won't be able to come to work days, but other then that...) I'll be headed over there tomorrow to check out the place, and then as soon as I get everything squared away with my current job, I'll be starting. I'll even have someone to carpool with. It's soo exciting and nerve-wracking at the same time! And of course, the thing that makes me the most excited, is that I can start serving in the coffeehouse and get back into the descipleship classes again! Yay!!!!! Uf... it's been a hard month...

Oh, everything is sooo exciting right now! Except maybe giving my two week notice... I'm really really not looking forward to that. I'm sure everything will work out alright though.

Wow... this summer is going to be soo... busy and wonderful and different then any summer I've had before. What with Cornerstone, working this job, and hopefully moving out, I can honestly say this summer is going to be life-changing. I guess it's time to hold on for the ride!

Cancer Update

2007-03-15T10:05:00.000-05:00

I thought this time that I'd just let you read the e-mail that my dad sent out to the family...

Hello Everyone,

I had my visit with with Dr. Nambudiri, my oncologist today. I found out that the tumor I had was a stage 3B type 2 cancer. This means, in a nutshell, that it is a moderately aggressive cancer that may have begun to spread in my body. I will definitely will have to undergo chemotherapy since without treatment, there is a 42 percent chance of the cancer returning.

Unfortunately, it is going to be a long course of treatment. I will be taking three to four different medications, some every two weeks and another possible treatment every week One drug needs to be administered over two days every two weeks via a pump attached to my blood stream to a port which will need to be mounted in my chest. I will be having blood tests taken every week to monitor my blood count among other things to make sure I am doing OK. The whole treatment will last at least six months!

The doctor said that people react in various ways to the treatment. I will most likely be able to work in at least some capacity as long as I am not too tired or ill. Obviously, my many visits to the clinic will take one to three days a week, so that in and by itself will keep me from working full time for a while. I will not be physically restricted and the doctor said that I should try to eat well and get as much exercise as I am able to. If my immune system become suppressed, during those times I may have to avoid contact with crowds or people who are sick. This will also be monitored. I also may have trouble with nausea but the doctor said that they have good medications now that control it.

He also talked to us about a new treatment just becoming available that involves using antibodies to help fight cancer cells. This treatment has been successfully used in fighting advanced cancer and studies are now under way to determine how effective this is in fighting my type of cancer. Side effects of the treatment are mild and few. If I took part in the study, I would have a 50 percent chance of getting the antibodies and 50 percent chance without. In both cases, I would get all of the traditional and proven medications. Since the traditional treatment is not 100 percent effective, I think that I will take part in the study since it sounds like it could be very effective with little risk, but I will find more information about it before I sign up.

Tomorrow I have an appointment to have x-rays of my chest and a CAT scan of the rest of me to determine if any tumors have appeared elsewhere. Next Thursday I will talk to Dr Nambudiri to discuss the results of the tests and when chemo will begin. Let's hope that another tumor has not formed. Later, I have an appointment with the surgeon to talk about what is involved with installing a port in my chest. That will most likely occur the following week. I don't yet know for sure, but chemo will probably begin the first or second week in April. There is definitely a lot of stuff to sink in!

Anyhow, I am feeling pretty good physically right now and have been walking quite a bit. There now is very little discomfort left from the surgery, so that is good! I think that I am in good spirits and I try to laugh a lot to keep the demons away. :-D

Again, thank you all so very much for your prayers and kind thoughts.

Bob

Job Hunting and Road Trips

2007-03-08T09:43:00.000-06:00

Well, as most of you know, I'm currently looking for a second/new job. The problem is that I hate job hunting. It is the hardest thing to make myself do, and if I can find an excuse not to, I usually don't (which is the big problem here). That being said, today I am actually forcing myself to get out there and put in some applications. I've been working on a list of places (some which have been told to me by wonderful people at church). Some I'll be able to do here at home (which is soo nice), and some I'll actually have to hit the streets on. I'm going to need lots of prayers on this (not only for finding the right job, but just for getting out there to look).

In other news, tomorrow I'm going to be driving about 5 hours away to visit my aunt, uncle, and cousins, and go to the yearly Gala put on by the group my cousins are in. I've been going now for around 6 years (pretty much since my oldest cousin joined) and this will be her last year in it. It's always a wonderful show. The the group is called Accompany of Kids. You should check out the website if you have the time, I believe they have sound clips and photos and such on there. And if it makes anyone interested, I'll be going again next year (the gala is always the first 2 weekends of March), and you're invited. My aunt likes company (as long as she knows who's coming).

*Edit: While on the job hunt, I ran across this. Enjoy!

the results are in

2007-02-22T18:34:00.000-06:00

well, today we got the news. The doctor said they got all the cancer from the colon and bladder, but the bad news is that they did find some cancer cells in the lymph nodes. This means that as soon as he is healed, he will have to be starting chemo. He is healing well, they gave him his first actual food today (since sunday all he had been allowed was ice cubes). He's been up and walking around a bit, and the doctor says that he may be able to go home tomorrow. We're all thankful that he is recovering soo quickly. Though it is sad that he will have to have the chemo, I know that there is a reason for this, and trust God in everything that is going on. Thank you all for your continued prayers for all of us.

update

2007-02-20T13:55:00.000-06:00

Well, today was my dad's surgery. The sergeon came and spoke to us just a bit ago, and he says everything went well. They had to remove a small peice of the bladder, but they seem very positive about having gotten everything. Dad's now resting, and soon we'll be able to go and see him. He'll be in the hospital at least till this weekend, and we'll know how the test results go on thursday. It's been a long day of waiting, but everything seems very hopeful at this time. I thank you all for your thoughts and prayers on this. They really have helped us all.

Random Thoughts

2007-02-05T12:20:00.000-06:00

This picture is one I found a while back, and loved it. It's of some valley in California that you can see off the freeway or somesuch. I used it as a background on my computer for a whle. I just love the colors...

Yesterday Kayla gave me a "prayer shawl" (it looks like a very warm very large scarf, being almost two feet wide and at least eight feet long) that her grandma had made. I love it, it is soo warm and comphy (though very magenta in color, which is something new to me...) It's called a prayer shawl because you pray the entire time you make it.

I recently have been in the mood for watching old eighties movies. So I went and got "Don't Tell Mom the Babysitters Dead" from the video store. It was great fun. I also got "Fried Green Tomatoes", which is one of my favorites. Next I want to watch "Son in Law", which I am getting from the library (since that is by far the cheapest way to get movies). If anyone can think of any other "classic" eighties movies, tell me, so I can watch them.

As far as books go, I am currently reading "Just As I Am" The Autobiography of Billy Graham. I love it. He has such a down to earth style of writting, and he's not afraid of laughing at himself. His childhood really helps me connect with him (not that I grew up as he did, but that lifestyle has always been one I love and admire). I've really grown to have a deep respect for his wife as well. I really suggest reading it if you haven't (and don't be scared away by the length, it really isn't that bad once you get into it).

I have been currently informed that I have OCD. I never really thought I did, but after a conversation durring the fold and staple, I really started paying attention to my actions and reactions, and I have come to the conclusion that yes, I do have this sad condition, but it rather selective in nature (or so I believe). I guess the only way I'll learn the severity of it is if/when I get married. I don't think this is a bad thing to have, as long as I watch my attitude about it. If I'm constantly getting annoyed about co-workers messing up things and such, then there is a problem. I don't know...

Well, now I have spent nearly 3 hours messing around on blogger, updating my blog, reading everyone elses, commenting, and playing around a bit. Ech... I think it's time to go and do something useful for a while...

Update

2007-02-05T09:29:00.000-06:00

Just thought I should update you about my dad. He's gone in and talked to the surgeon. They set a date for his surgery, on the 20th of this month. The surgeon is supposed to be very good at this kind of surgery, and is also well-known and well-liked. He informed my dad that this kind of cancer is a slow moving variety, so the chances are high that it hasn't spead at all, and should be very easy to remove. They also took care of all the preliminary tests and such, so that everything will be ready to go on the 20th. Dad's really doing well. He is thankful for all the prayers going his way. He says he is concerned, but not scared.

It has been a very long, and somewhat difficult week. There has been some other news that I've recieved lately that has caused me some concern (though I really cannot speak of it on here). It seems like this has been a hard week for many people at church. I guess this should be an encouragement to us. It means we're doing something right. It would be nice to have a bit simpler week this week though...

P.S. In other news, the cat is healing fine, and really seems to be enjoying all the extra attention, and living in the house. So far he has not had any fights with the three resident cats, and I hope to keep it that way.

Of Cat Fights and Colon Cancer

2007-01-29T17:00:00.000-06:00

Yes, I know, it's been a while since I last posted. There has been a lot going on, and somehow, even when I get to a computer, I just don't get around to an update. Well, as you can tell by the title, I have at least a couple things of interest to share.

Now as many of you know, this summer we had a cat adopt us, and has lately been living in our garage (comfortably supplied with a heated water dish, a full food bowl, and a warming pad to lay on. He's gone from being a small bony creature, to a large chubby garfield-ish cat. This past weekend my step-dad noticed that he (the cat) had a puffy cheek. So today I got to take him into the vet. Now this same thing has happened before to his leg, so I had an idea of what was going to happen. The vet took him into the back room to remove the puss and shave away the hair (so that it would stay clean), and came back to tell he that he had some infection around the wound and that it would have to be cut away. I left him there, and returned later in the day to pick him up. He now has a largish hole in the side of his face, which gives him a very strange appearance (to say the least). He is going to have to stay in the house (likely in a bathroom or the entryway) for a couple weeks so that it can stay clean and heal properly. He took it all very well, and doesn't even seem to notice it. (He didn't react much to his other injury either, he's just a tough cat). Hopefully this incident will teach him to stop fighting with other cats. (I'm not holding my breath on that, though.)

As to the other topic of this post. Last week (as many of you were informed), my dad went in to get a checkup, since he had been bleeding oddly. He had a colonoscapy (I'm not sure how to spell that...) where they put a small camera into his colon to check around. They found one area that looked suspicious and so took some samples to be tested. The doctor informed him that it looked like cancer, though they wouldn't be certain until the results came back. So we had a week of waiting. Today he went back in to here the news. It is colon cancer. They said that he'll need to have surgery within the next month or so to get it removed. If it hasn't spread at all, they should be able to remove it all then, otherwise he'll have to start chemotherapy. Right now he's most sad about not being able to be active out-of-doors this spring (he usually taps trees). We could all really use some prayers, this is going to be a hard process. Though he regularly attends church, I'm not sure if he is actually a christian, and that's what worries me the most right now. I know I can count on you for your prayers. Thank you all.

martyrs of the Philippines

2006-12-07T13:41:00.000-06:00

These days we've gotten rather used to hearing about all that we are doing in the Philippines, so much so that it almost just seems like it's an extention of our lives here. And yet, it is a place where persecution is a real thing. Here are a couple of eye opening stories that I've found recently that have made me think a bit when I hear people mention the Philippines. Both of these occurred in 1992.

"We have your nephew," said the handwritten note. "If you surrender to us, we will return the boy to his parents." Brother MT stared at the message. It was from the leaders of the New People's Army (NPA), the military arm of the Communist Party of the Philippines. People in many parts of the Philippines have been threatened and persecuted for years by this group of terrorists.

Brother MT is an evangelist in the Philippines. He travels regularly into the mountains to preach to the terrorist groups. Peter, his eight-year-old nephew, frequently went with Brother MT on his evangelistic trips. He was a special help to him in children's meetings in the mountain villages.

Because of pressure from the NPA, Brother MT was often forced into hiding. Still, as a result of his ministry, some of the NPA soldiers had given their lives to Jesus Christ and left the organization. MT had counted the cost and was prepared to give his life for the Gospel, but he was not prepared for this! He knew there was no hope that his surrender would save his nephew. He knew they would both be killed; still, he hesitated.

The boy's parents insisted that MT ignore this order and continue his evangelistic outreach. As a result, the parents gave their son for the Gospel. Peter was killed on Good Friday, April 17, 1992. He was tortured for three hours and suffered very much. His hands were tied with wire, and the terrorists struck his in the legs and head with an ax. Finally, he was beheaded.

The abductors have warned the boy's parents and MT that if they do not stop their ministry, they will return and torture them. Brother MT is continuing his dangerous work in the mountains among the terrorist groups.

The service was over. Jackie Hamill, a young Australian prison evangelist, was excited about what God was doing. She had felt the love of Jesus reach out to these inmates. Jackie and fourteen members of her church had traveled to the Philippines to minister in a military prison there. They were concerned for the lost souls of the inmates, many od whom were Communist guerrillas in prison for murder.

Suddenly, the quiet was broken by the sounds of fighting and gunshots. The inmates were rioting and had overpowered the guards, seizing their guns and ammunition to make an escape.

The evangelists were taken hostage and held for three days. During that time, Jackie and one other girl were raped repeatedly. But even in the moments when she suffered the greatest shame, Jackie prayed for her captors and spoke to them about God's love. Her face did not show panic, revulsion, or hatred, but glowed with the brightness of God's light.

During her imprisonment, she led the team in singing God's praises and presented the Gospel to her captors. One of the rioting inmates threw down his gun and recieved Jesus as his Savior.

On the third day, there was a shoot-out between the prosoners and soldiers who came to stop the riot. Jackie and Juliet, 16-years-old, were shot. Even as Jackie lay dying, she raised her hands to God, praying for the rioting inmates and for the soldiers. She died while singing to God.

Our family in Christ

2006-11-27T22:21:00.000-06:00

A story to encourage you and show you that many have gone before; we are not alone.

Anila met Perveen at school. As their friendship grew, Anila gave Perveen a Bible and taught her Christian songs. Perveen quickly learned Christian songs and began to teach them to her younger sister when her parents weren't home. Perveen's parents soon learned of the songs. Being strict Muslims, they were not happy about tham. But rather than confronting Perveen right away, they had her younger sister try to find out where she was getting this Christian influence.
Anila eventually invited Perveen to a Good Friday service. When the young Muslim heard the Gospel presentation, she immediately accepted Jesus. Perveen became very excited about her new relationship with Jesus and saw great changes take place in her life. She read her Bible and praised God boldly. Anila knew that, before long, her friend would encounter opposition from her family.
Perveen's parents were furious when they learned of her conversion. They had previously arranged for her to marry a Muslim man. When Perveen again refused, she ran away.
When Perveen's parents could not find her, they accused Anila and her pastor of kidnapping her. They had Anila arrested. Anila was slapped and beaten in front of her parents for over nine hours. Finally she was taken to prison.
Anila's pastor and his family were taken to prison on the following day. Anila and her pastor experienced horrible tortures in jail. She was whipped sixteen times (five times would make a normal man pass out). When they were released, Anila could not sit for two months, and her pastor could barely walk from the bruises on his hips and thighs.
Perveen was later found by her family. In Muslim nations, children are often severely beaten for converting to Christianity. Others are killed by their own parents or siblings for apostasy, converting to another faith.
To restore the honor of his family, Perveen's brother stabbed her to death. He then turned himself in to the local authorities. As is not uncommon in such stuations, he was eventually released without incident.
Anila was then arrested on charges of kidnapping.
She was imprisoned, then released on bail a little more than a month later. She and her family went into hiding, as their lives were threatened by radical Muslims.
In May, 1999, Anila was acquitted of all charges. Praise God for the prayers of faithful believers around the world! Continue to pray for her protection as she remains in hiding.
"I have seen the world," Anila said, "and it has nothing good. Jesus is my only peace."

Peace to you all,
~H

Another One

2006-10-11T17:19:00.000-05:00

The Question: "Where did you live in sixth grade; what was your favorite part about that place and why?"

The Answer: I lived in two places at the same time while in sixth grade (and all of my childhood, actually). With my mom, I lived in a nice house on the north side of town, and my favorite thing about it was that I lived in the big basement room and had my own bathroom and such. With my dad, I lived in a largish house just south of town, and my favorite thing was that we lived on a big tree covered hill with a creek at the bottom. It was fun :)

Alright, what's your answer everyone?

(If your wondering about the two house thing, my parents got devorced when I was around 1 yr old and would go back and forth from house to house daily (no joke))

Something to blog about....

2006-10-05T17:15:00.000-05:00

So, I was given a blogging topic, and it is: (drum roll please)

"What do you consider to be the most popular food in the world and why? Support your answer with either facts or well thought out logic."

And my answer is: Ramen

Yes, Ramen is the most popular food in the world. If you need a reason why, then you're a sad sad person who needs to get a life. You should also read all the WoTs articles about the wonders of Ramen.

What is your opinion? Do you agree? Why or why not?

umm....yeah

2006-09-27T17:43:00.000-05:00

I thought it was time to post something again... the only thing is, I don't really have anything of import to speak of at the moment... maybe next week...

thoughts on death

2006-09-14T20:33:00.000-05:00

Well, yesterday when I get home from church,I find out thatmy great-grandma had past away sometime in the morning. The funeral will be this saturday up in the small little town where she lived for most of her life. In a way, it is a big relief for much of the family, mostly because she was getting really bad memory loss. She didn't really recognize anyone anymore and such. The only thing that's really been onmy mind lately is, was she ready to die? I really don't know. I haven't seen her much in the past few years, and with her memory loss and all... well... I guess it's all in God's hands. I'll find out one day.

This past year I've come to understand death and what it's about much more clearly. I have no fear of dying, and I only pray that no one will be sad when I pass. I will be living the real life then. I'm not trying to be calous about it or anything, I know that missing people when they die is natural. But I don't want people to mourn.

One thing I've been thinking on lately(and I know this may sound strange to some people, but oh well) is that... well... I read stories about how in communist countries and such, they'll try and get info out of people by torturing someone they care about in front of them. My thought is this: I believe it would be easier for me to see a fellow believe tortured and killed in front of me then an unbeliever. I know where the believer is going, and also the unbeliever. It would be terrible to see someone being sent to eternal seperation from God right in front of my eyes. Do you understand?

Okay, that's enough for tonight...

New to blogger!

2006-09-04T19:22:00.000-05:00

Everyone should check out this new blogger!

The Land of Oz

Enjoy!

Wow!!!!!

2006-08-31T17:14:00.000-05:00

thebro-hardz has actually updated!!! Everyone should go check it out! There's even pictures and stuff!

*is very amazed*

The Engagement Ring

2006-08-29T19:52:00.000-05:00

I don’t know if all of you know this, but I have been engaged before. It was shortly before I started going to our church. If you want the full story of what happened, you’ll have to ask me sometime, or maybe I’ll blog about it later, but right now I just want to share something very important that God has shown me through the ring I used to wear. It was a lovely ring, with three diamonds in it, one larger one in the middle, and two smaller ones on either side, and then very small ones along the band. On the sides there was a little pattern. It had little loops going from one side if the big stone to the far side of the opposite stone. Now, strangely enough, that ring has more meaning to me now then it ever did when I was engaged, even though I don’t think I will ever see it again. The stones and the loops represent things to me. The small stones are symbols of a man and a woman. The large stone is God. The loops symbolize how God is connected to each person, and only by God can you be bound together. The big stone being in the middle says that God is always to be most important, in the center of the marriage. I didn’t have that attitude when I was engaged. I trusted the man more then God, put the man before God, and God showed me (quite painfully) that that just will not work. God is the only one worthy of being the center of our lives, the only one. I pray that I never forget that again.

wow.... my head hurts....

2006-08-14T10:51:00.000-05:00

After about two hours, I have finally gotten through actually readings everyone's blogs! I hadn't been reading them much for the past couple weeks.... now I think I have a slight headache and want to go lay down...

On a side-note, The queue blog isn't working, and I couldn't get into Jones'n. I'm not sure what's going on there...

I also went and added all the new bloggers that I've found into my links list. Welcome to you all!

That's all I wanted to say...

~H

a full week, a big surprise, and a big decision

2006-08-13T10:01:00.000-05:00

Well, surprisingly, my car is now fixed. I guess the guy at the shop got tired of it just sitting there or something. My mom and step-dad paid for it, and I'll be paying them back as soon as possible. Even though the car is home now, I'm not going to be dirving it again for a while. It currently doesn't have insurance, and I really want to wait and save up some money before having to start that up again (not to mention paying for gas... eek). It's been really good for me to be riding bike so far, and I plan to ride until there's snow on the ground (which might be until next spring, if it's anything like last year...). My pasrents are happy with that decision as well, and really don't want me to be driving until at least I pay them back for it (and get insurance again, of course). So, this means I still can't leave town on my own, but I don't mind (I like this town just fine myself). Again a big thank-you for everyone who's given me rides in the past few weeks and all.

In other news, I just finished a full week of work. My lead was on vacation, so I had to step up and take over for the week. It was really an experience. It was actaully rather pleasant to be able to guide myself through everything that needed doing throughout the week, and I realized that there are a few things that I need to start doing better (things that I'd been leaving for the other workers to do instead of handling myself). Also, this week, the other associate turned in her two-week notice, so soon I will be getting more hours again. It will be different with only the two of us, but it will mean more work time for me, which is really really nice.

I decided after thinking and praying about it, to wait to start school until January. It would just have been to rushed and difficult to get everything don't to get in this fall, and with the bills and everything, I really don't think it would have been prudent. Now I have a fair amount of time to get ready, file for student aid, and brush up on my math skills. I will still be going to the academic services this fall, and trying to absorb as much as they can teach me.

Well, I thin that's about it for now.

~H

busy schedule...

2006-07-25T14:26:00.000-05:00

So yesterday we had our meeting for shoo poo, and I suddenly realized how soon all that is going to be. I guess I've kinda been zoning this summer or something...

Today while I was at the Tech, I asked about getting into the accounting program, and they said that there is still room for the fall semester, though I'll have to really rush to get all the stuff in and everything. I'm not sure if I'll be able to yet, though, because I really am tight on the whole money thing (car's cost a lot...) and even if I apply today for finincial aid, it won't be ready before the start of the semester. I guess it's all in God's hands whether He wants me to start school now or in January (I think that's when the next term starts, right?). This is like a major big step for me, but I'm actually fairly excited to be going back to school (as well as rather scared, but I guess that's natural). My mind is yearning to be filled.

So, with this school thing, and getting ready for Shoo Poo, and everything else that were doing at church this fall, and then working, I really don't think I'm going to be having a ton of extra time for relaxing. I think that's a good thing though.

No update yet as to the whole car situation. I'm getting more used to riding my bike around town, and a big thank you to those of one who have given me rides!

....it's been a month?

2006-07-22T21:45:00.000-05:00

Wow.... So... it's been about a month now.... I guess I should update....

In the end of June I helped my brother move into his new house, and it is a really nice place. It's in a great neighborhood with a lot of families in it, so his dogs are getting a lot of attention from all the neighboring kids.

For the 4 of July weekend, I went to my uncle's farm, where a bunch of the family got together and lit off fireworks and had a big pot-luck and such and so on. It was fun to see some of the family again (I don't see them much in the summer months). Then on the Fourth itself I went to the concert at the bandshell (as usual) and then watched the town fireworks with my friend Rae.

Earlier this month I went to the tech school's acedemic services department and took some tests to see where my skill level is at. Now I am working on re-learning certain skills (math) and also learning some computer skills. Most of the computer stuff I've gone through so far has been simply review of what I've taught myself, but a few things are new to me, and kinda interesting. I also took a survey thing that helps you figure out what your interests are and such. After thinking over my results, and comparing them to certain hobbies and habits, and such, I think I might want to go into accounting or something like it. I realized that I really like numbers and figuring and such, and will even do such things when I am bored. I have a pretty good head for math (though after being out of school for four years, I'm a bit rusty in some areas). When I go back in again I'll talk to them about how to enroll for some actual classes.

This past week we released our dear friend Harley back into the woods. He has grown quite a bit since we first caught him, and I'm certain that he should be able to make it quite well on his own from here on out. My mom still wants food left out for him, and the food does seem to be eaten, though I'm not sure if it's him or something else (like one of the neighborhood cats) eating it. I shall miss having him around. I still have to get some pictures posted of him.

Work is going fairly well. We have been getting in a good number of our fall shoes, and have been busy clearancing our summer stock and reorganizing everything into the fall layout. It really seems strange speaking of fall in July... Anyway, it has been going well. In a couple weeks I am going to be getting a lot of hours, as the lead associate will be going on vacation. Also sometime very soon the other associate will be quiting, and I will be getting her hours. That will be very nice. Also, as it gets closer to the holidays I'll be gaining even more hours. This all makes me very happy, mostly because...

...my car decided to stop working. The other day I tried to start it, and all it would do was turn over. My step-dad checked it out and said it was probably some cap or gasket or some such that was malfunctioning. So we loaded the car onto a trailer and took it to the garage. As far as I know, it'll cost somewhere between 200 and 400 to get it fixed. This means that I'll most likely be riding bike for a while, which isn't really a bad thing.

Well, I think that's about it for the major events in my life for the past month.

...and they named him Harley

2006-06-20T11:26:00.000-05:00

so, on saturday I was relaxing in my room, when suddenly my step-dad runs into the house calling for us to come see something. My mom and I go out, and we find a baby raccoon in our woodpile. So my mom gives him some bread and such, and we sit and wait for him to come out (because we have nothing better to do or something). Finally he comes out, eats the bread, and starts waddling on down the driveway. It is then that we notice that he isn't walking very steadily (he kept tipping over and having to steady himself). So my mom decided that we have to catch him. She goes over and tries to pick him up (he can't walk all that fast), but he almost bites her. Then she tells me that I should pick him up. yeah... right. Then she goes to get a towel to grab him with, telling me to keep him from running away. He hisses at me, and backs himself into the brush pile at the bottom of the driveway. Mom comes back out, and is mad at me for letting him get into the pile (what was I supposed to do?) and so we put out more bread and see if he'll come out again. After a while my step-dad comes up with him leather work gloves on, and we start dismantling the brush pile (very very carefully of course). Finally he (my step-dad) was able to grab him. We put him into a large old dog cage that we had from way back when we actually had a dog. We gave him a nice little box to hide in, and some water, and food and all that. My mom says that were just going to keep him until he gets bigger (I'm not sure exactly what she means by that) and then let him go. He is sooo adorably cute. I'll have to see if I can post a pic of him.....

poll-mania

2006-06-13T15:53:00.000-05:00

You Are a Jam Cookie

On the outside, you project a straight-laced, innocent vibe.

But on the inside, you're complex, exotic, and full of flavor.

What Kind of Cookie Are You?

Caramel Frappuccino

Creative and expressive, you tend to match your Frappuccino flavor to your mood. And a flavored syrup is always a must!

What Flavor Frappuccino Are You?

You Are Not Scary

Everyone loves you. Isn't that sweet?

How Scary Are You?

Your Emoticon is Cool

You're not feeling particularly up or down, just relaxed and calm. You're ready for whatever is going to happen next!

What Emoticon Best Represents You Right Now?

You are

What Rejected Crayon Are You?

Your Eyes Should Be Brown

Your eyes reflect: Depth and wisdom

What's hidden behind your eyes: A tender heart

What Color Should Your Eyes Be?

You Were a Cat

You are an independent person who inspires others with your dreams.

A calm protector, you will fight when you need to.

What Animal Were You In a Past Life?

You Are 4% Abnormal

You are at low risk for being a psychopath. It is unlikely that you have no soul.

You are at low risk for having a borderline personality. It is unlikely that you are a chaotic mess.

You are at low risk for having a narcissistic personality. It is unlikely that you are in love with your own reflection.

You are at low risk for having a social phobia. It is unlikely that you feel most comfortable in your mom's basement.

You are at low risk for obsessive compulsive disorder. It is unlikely that you are addicted to hand sanitizer.

How Abnormal Are You?

Your Bumper Sticker Should Be

Even if the voices aren't real - they've got some great ideas

What Bumper Sticker Should Be On Your Car?

Your Blog Should Be Purple

You're an expressive, offbeat blogger who tends to write about anything and everything.

You tend to set blogging trends, and you're the most likely to write your own meme or survey.

You are a bit distant though. Your blog is all about you - not what anyone else has to say.

What Color Should Your Blog or Journal Be?

Your Birth Month is April

You are trustworthy and highly ethical in all facets of life.

Helpful and steady, you are able to solve any problem.

Your soul reflects: Bliss, playfulness, and curiosity

Your gemstone: Diamond

Your flower: Sweet Pea

Your colors: Yellow and red

What Does Your Birth Month Mean?

tehe...

2006-06-10T14:54:00.000-05:00

You Are Strawberry Ice Cream

A bit shy and sensitive, you are sweet to the core.

You often find yourself on the outside looking in.

Insightful and pensive, you really understand how the world works.

You are most compatible with chocolate chip ice cream.

What Flavor Ice Cream Are You?

changing direction

2006-06-07T21:19:00.000-05:00

This past weekend (the conference) has caused some much needed prayer and thought time for me. I had been deeply struggling with my daydreaming addiction up until practically the hour we left to go there. Then we went through Collosians 3, and a verse seemed to jump out at me. It was Collosians 3:2. In the New Living Bible it says: "Let heaven fill your thoughts. Do not think only about things down here on earth." I had been letting my daydreams fill my thoughts, hardly giving space for God and His Word, even if I read my regular devotions everyday. It was like God just pointed to those words and said "This is for you." Since I came back, my thought life has changed. I've started praying and talking to God whenever I get the urge to daydream. And I've been feeling much more satisfied and not so tired and run down. God's finally helping me get rid of the junk I've been piling up around me, both in my head, and in my life. I know I've talk on here about removing distractions in my life, but really I hadn't yet. Now I've actually boxed up those things, and plan on removing them from my house as soon as possible. There are a few other things I want to remove as well, but I need to find the best way to get rid of them (including many of my books, which really do fill my head with way tooo much garbage and take away my thought life (if you can call it that)). I'm going to need some prayer on this. It's a big step, but I know I need to take it.

Grow Cube

2006-05-23T16:54:00.000-05:00

My cousin just introduced me to this wonderfully annoying game called Grow Cube, and it's brother game, Grow RPG. The main point of the game is to choose the different items in the right order to see the full simulation. It is actually really really fun. If you'd like to check it out, there is now a like to it in my Links column (way down at the bottom) titled "Grow Cube" from there you can find the Grow RPG. It took us about an hour to figure out the cube, but it was well worth it. Enjoy!

To Be a Fool

2006-05-17T21:29:00.000-05:00

The Fool's Prayer

Edward R. Sill

The royal feast was done; the King
Sought some new sport to banish care,
And to his jester cried: "Sir Fool,
Kneel now, and make for us a prayer!"

The jester doffed his cap and bells,
And stood the mocking court before;
They could not see the bitter smile
Behind the painted grin he wore.

He bowed his head, and bent his knee
Upon the monarch's silken stool;
His pleading voice arose: "O Lord,
Be merciful to me, a fool!

"No pity, Lord, could change the heart
From red with wrong to white as wool;
The rod must heal the sin: but Lord,
Be merciful to me, a fool!

" 'Tis not by guilt the onward sweep
Of truth and right, O Lord, we stay;
'Tis by our follies that so long
We hold the earth from heaven away.

"These clumsy feet, still in the mire,
Go crushing blossoms without end;
These hard, well-meaning hands we thrust
Among the heart-strings of a friend.

"The ill-timed truth we might have kept--
Who knows how sharp it pierced and stung?
The word we had not sense to say--
Who knows how grandly it had rung?

"Our faults no tenderness should ask,
The chastening stripes must cleanse them all;
But for our blunders--oh, in shame
Before the eyes of heaven we fall.

"Earth bears no balsam for mistakes;
Men crown the knave, and scourge the tool
That did his will; but Thou, O Lord,
Be merciful to me, a fool!"

The room was hushed; in silence rose
The King, and sought his gardens cool,
And walked apart, and murmured low,
"Be merciful to me, a fool!"

King Kong

2006-05-10T18:40:00.000-05:00

Well, I finally watched King Kong last night. It was truly a Peter Jackson picture. And, like a PJ picture, it was the traditional 3 hours long. Though there were a few parts that weren't quite up to my expectations (not that I really know what I expected) it was a very good movie.

last concert

2006-05-05T19:45:00.000-05:00

Well, right now I'm at the Runway 36 concert down here at the Munchies. It's the last concert of the semester, and it'll be soo strange not having them all summer. At least we'll be able to keep busy with Cornerstone and Yeshuapolooza planning and all. I'm sure the summer will go by quickly. Before we know it we'll be having the church campout. How is it that time seems to go by soo much faster after you reach 20? Maybe it's just the way my life has been going? I don't know.

This band is good. And loud. But that's a given for almost any concert here, huh?

Well, I think I'll get off now and go mingle a bit.

relapses...

2006-04-30T09:48:00.000-05:00

This week has taught me how very far I have still to go. With one thing and another, I found myself again daydreaming. It starts with just the smallest idea, and then it grows, until I find myself just pacing and letting my mind go rampant. I can't find anything to do with myself because my mind is in this other space. It's such a hard thing to fight, partially because I actually find myself enjoying it, at least for a time. I has always been fun to wonder about things. I just go too far... too far... I really need lots of prayer on this.

Removing distractions

2006-04-24T21:14:00.000-05:00

This is something that I've been thinking and trying to work on for some time now. There are soo many things that are only distractions or time wasters in my life. It's not even that I use them very often, but they're still there. One big one right now is video games. I know some of you probably don't even know that I play them, but I do (rpg's and such mostly). I tryed to pack up all my games and my PS2 and all in a box and put it away, but I ended up taking it out again. I finally decided that the only way to keep myself away from it is to get rid of it all. I'd like to sell it, the PS2, the games, all of it, and save the money for something much more important. If anyone out there is interested in the console or the games, just ask. I even have a few players guides to go with some games.

The other thing that I'm wondering about is something that I'm really not sure how to handle yet. One of my favorite things is books. I love my books, even if I don't read them very much. I don't see them as a terrible thing in themselves, but I wonder if they are another thing that is just in the way. I need to do some serious praying about this.

I just want to start spending time doing things that are worthwhile and not just, well, selfish. It just doesn't seem that that is the way a christian should be. I know that that's not what God wants for me.

meaningless post...

2006-04-21T17:23:00.000-05:00

Wow... I haven't been on for a week and I have a TON of catching up to do (meaning reading other peoples blogs). If you don't know, I usually check on everything about once every day or two, but for some reason (which I haven't discovered as of yet) our computer that we use for internet is not turning on right now, so I haven't been able to go online at all. Right now I'm at the coffeehouse, but actually, I have to get going, just wanted to say that... yeah...

a busy life

2006-04-10T20:36:00.000-05:00

It's been an interesting past week or two. I've been learning a lot. I've gone from times of great joy, to times of trials, even within a few hours. I've been working a lot (compared to what I expected, at least, though some people would say that I work very little). I've found that God has led me back, slowly but surely, to babysitting. I've been kinda against it since working in EC. I just really had a hard time there, and just.... I couldn't stand looking after other people's kids. Now God has been showing me that I can do it. I have been babysitting for my aunts friend for a while now (about once a week or so) and now I'm going to be babysitting for a lady in my mom's book group (the very one reading "Captivating"). She has two girls, both in school, and I'll be sitting there every other week, at least once a week. I just went and met her today, and her girls. One is such a tomboy you can hardly tell she's a girl. The other is fairly ladylike and very honest (you know that refreshing child-like honesty). I think it will work out well. Then there's my job with the shoes. Last week I worked Almost every day, even though I was only scheduled for 3 days. My manager person was down with the flu, so I picked up her hours. It really is an answer to prayers, to help pay my bills and everything. Tomorrow is going to be my only "free" day of this week. Wednesday is going to be.... busy. I have work in the morning, and as soon as I get out of work, I pick up the girls from school, and head to their house. Then at around 5:30 I take them to youth group and head stright to my church for bible study. I'm going to need to actually pre-plan a bit for it. It will be good for me, though. The biggest thing I have to make sure I work into my schedule this week is actually getting things done around my own house. I am still very badly distracted by books (I read one and a half today...) and keep putting off my household duties. Luckily, after I finish the other half of this book, I won't have any more to distract me (I should finish it tonight, and I don't think I'll have time to get to the library until thursday for more). The thing is is that I just LOVE this author! It's Janette Oke, and I've so far read 4 series' (or I'm finishing the fourth). There are still a few more series' and then some seperate books that I have left to read. I just love the way that she writes, in such a realistic and helpful way. There's a lot of real wisdom in her books. It's not like any "romance" that I've ever read (christian romance).

In other news, my birthday is coming this weekend. I'm planning a small get together at the Munchies on fri, and then I'll be going to my dad's for supper on sat. It will be soo fun. 22 years on this planet. It's hard to think of.

witnessing....

2006-03-31T16:00:00.000-06:00

Something I have been thinking on lately is witnessing. In church a few weeks ago we heard about this little old man in Australia who handed out tracts to people. The story told about all the people who came to God because of this man's faithful witness. I loved hearing this story. Then the other day I was talking to a lady I've known for many years and told her the story. She liked it, and told me about how she had done something similar last summer. But there was one major difference in the two stories. The lady told me that she had gone up to a couple and asked "if they died tomorrow, would they go to heaven?" Then she asked if they wanted to pray to ask Jesus into their hearts. With the little old man, on the other hand he came up to people, handed them a tract, and asked "if they died tomorrow, would you go to heaven?" and he left it at that. It was after that that the people he had talked to went and sought out someone to talk to, someone who could explain the scriptures to them, and then finally, they personally asked Jesus into their hearts. Do you see the difference? Now I'm not trying to make the lady seem like a bad person or anything, but I really don't hold to her approach. I do doubt if the people she talked to really had asked Jesus into their hearts. What reason would they have? Now, I don't like coming to conclusions, but it seems likely to me that they simple 'prayed' to appease her, and maybe as an 'insurance policy'. Now in the other case, the people had time to think, study, search their hearts, and realize that they need Jesus, that without Him they are doomed.

"Captivating"

2006-03-31T15:48:00.000-06:00

Yesterday my mom gave me a book. It is one that the ladies in her church are reading. It's called "Captivating", and it's about being a woman and such. When she first told me about the book, a was a bit, well, on my guard, so to speak. I read the first chapter. My first thoughts were that it was kinda interesting, but it seemed a little bit off. Then I started reading the first chapter over again. I realized what had bugged me the first time through. It's "self centered". It talks some about how God created women to be different then men, but really, it seemed to be trying, even encouraging, women to think even more about themselves, and how wonderful they are. It also says how the women we look up to in church are always tired from working so hard. I had to put the book down. It just left a bad taste in my mouth. Now, I know that God made women different then men, made us to serve a special purpose as women. What really makes me disgusted about this book is that we as women, and humans in general, already think about ourselves far too much. And I don't see the women I look up to as being overworked and tired as is described in the book. I see them as joyful and wonderfully blessed women, who put others before themselves. Women who aren't trying to be shining examples of womanhood, but women who are trying to follow God's will for their lives, who put aside themselves and strive after God. Their lives change because their heart has changed. Following God is what's truly important. He will take care of the rest. I'm not saying that the women I look up to are perfect, but that their heart is in the right place. That's what I want to be, a woman after God's own heart.

...my private sin

2006-03-23T09:35:00.000-06:00

Well, work is continuing to go well. Saturday will be my first day working alone, which has me slightly nervous. It shouldn't be too hard, though. I've been assured that the freight will all be out by then, and so I'll just be helping customers and organizing shelves and such. It's still going to be different not to have one of the others there. I pray that it goes well.

In other news, I have been having a little struggle again this week with my old enemy, daydreaming. Now to some daydream may not seem to be anything major, but with me it's different. Ever since I was a kid, I have been using daydreams as a form of excaping reality. When I'm in daydream mode, I'm kinda plotting out a way that my life could drastically change and fit into this lovely little story all my own. I'd spend days and even months working on one, while walking around in a half present state. After a while I simple couldn't continue with the current one, and so I'd start on another. Anything could trip one off. Sometimes I'd have two or three going at once (which is confusing, but I could keep them fairly straight in my head). I half lived in these daydreams, half believed that maybe they could come true, while knowing at the same time that they couldn't. Some were innocent enough, but some were very bad. Often if I had just read a good book, or almost any book, I would start entering that story world in my head, claim it as my own, and try my best to become a canon part of it. It never really worked. In the past few years, especially the past year, I have been striving to let go of these daydreams. They have been terribly unhealthy for me, and also very very selfish. I had been going fairly good for a couple months now, but the other day I had one pop up again. It's taken me two days to beat it back down. I have heard many people at church talk about how they had been addicted to various things, be it drugs, alcohol, sex, and so forth. How those things can be soo entising. You could say that daydreaming was my drug, my addiction. In some ways, more dangerous than drugs and alcohol, because it is all purely in my mind. There's no way that I can just physically throw it away. I can be more careful about what I read, the movies I watch, and conversations that most likely will bring on such urges, but really, the most important thing is that I don't let the first thought get at me, but to instantly turn my mind away from it, not let it grow. This is really the first time that I have been able to explain more fully about this, though I have mentioned it before to various people. With God's grace, I will be able to live without daydreams. I know that what He has planned for me is much greater than anything I could ever dream up on my own.

learning about beliefs

2006-03-14T11:02:00.000-06:00

Well, work has been going really well so far, excepting that I need to get a different pair of shoes for work (We're supposed to wear black shoes, and the only black ones I have right now aren't in very good condition, and make my feet hurt). It really fun "playing" with all the shoes, and learning how to identify them by their numbers and such. On tuesday the freight comes in, so we had to clean out the shoes (take out the paper that they wrap the shoes in and such) and then put them out and organize the ones already out and make sure we have all the sizes of each type and all that fun stuff. The times really seems to fly by, and there's soo much to do. I work again on sunday morning before church, only for about an hour and a half (the 'manager' wants me to know how to do something that they do on sundays... I'm not sure why, since I can't work a sunday shift, but oh well...).

In other news, after a rather difficult weekend with my family, I have decided to start a more in depth study of catholic beliefs and such, so that I can be more equiped when conversing with my relatives, as well as be able to understand where they are coming from. I have picked up a book from the church bookstore that has some basics on Catholic beliefs and how they differ from what the Bible actually says, and I find it very interesting. My aunt Kathy (A strong Christian, as well as a catholic) is going to see if she can find me some info as well. This is going to be a big project, and I just pray that God is with me through it all, and that He leads me to what I need to know, and that I don't get bogged down in legalism and all that junk that doesn't really matter. How better to reach out to someone then to know of the culture in which they were raised? To be able to really understand where the beliefs come from, and to be able to use some of those very beliefs to lead them to the truth. As I've heard in many places in the past year, the biggest mission field today is within the very "church" (of any denomination).

To go along with this, I also need to have a fuller understanding of my own beliefs, and to act on those beliefs, for it doesn't matter what you are saying to someone if your actions are saying the opposite. For too many years I just floated along and believed whatever people told me to believe, without really understanding it for myself. I don't want to do that anymore. I want God's guidance and wisdom to lead me, I want the Holy Spirit to truly be in control. To hold God's Word within my heart, and not just in my head. ANd to reach out to others with the wonder of God's mercy and grace. What greater call for a persons life then service to the Creator of the universe?

Praise God!

2006-03-07T10:17:00.000-06:00

Well, I got the job at Kmart! I will hopefully be starting next week. It's only part-time, but I'm still very very happy about it. And it pays weekly, in cash, so it's pretty sweet. Oh, I am sooo thankful. And thank you all for praying for me on this.

In other news, I babysat on last saturday for a friend of my aunts. There were two kids, a boy around five years old, and a girl somewhere between one and two years old. They're very energetic kids, that like running and climbing and jumping, and she likes getting into anything that is within her reach. My heart went out to their mom, sheseemed like she just has more then she can handle right now. After the kids went to bed, I went and washed some of the dishes for her (I would have done all of them, but I was getting really worn out after 4 hours...) It was just such a blessing to be able to help her out with that, though. I wish I could have done more. When she got homeshe paid me a bit more than I though I was going to get (not that I had an amount in my head or anthing, I never really worry about how much money I'm going to get, I don't really do it for the money). She told me that her kids took to me really well (I didn't even realize that, I thought they acted that way to everyone...) and that she would call me if she needed someone to sit for her again. She hadn't seen the kitchen until after that, which I'm glad of. I didn't want her to think that she had to pay me more or anything because I helped with dishes. She said that she might just call me some time to help out around the house in general as well as for sitting the kids. I'd really like to go back and help her out again, not for money, just to help her get her house under control. SHe asked me if I was good at organizing and such. I'm not sure on that one. My room really doesnt look all that "organized" though I say that I just have too much stuff, and so it's overcluttered. I like cleaning for other people more then myself anyway (right Beppy?). It really was such a blessing to be able to help that family.

And now with that, I get to go clean the bathrooms here at my own house. Yippy!

trusting in God, and His blessings

2006-03-02T12:26:00.000-06:00

This week has been a week of realization for me. It's like God has been showing me more and more how this world is not my home, and to trust in Him, and just to give my life fully into His hands. To stop thinking about me and what I want to do, and instead think about others, and what I can be doing for them, how I can be showing them true christianity by every aspect of my life. And you know what, I love doing it! It brings me soo much joy and happiness to do things for others, instead of for myself.

Tomorrow I have my interview. I just keep praying that this is the job God has for me. Though I try not to worry, I am coming up very short on money, and am not sure how I am going to pay the bills that are already sitting on my table. I know that God will provide for me, but it is unnerving being put soo close to the wire. I don't really need money for anything else, but I do need to get these bills paid off.

In other news, I just learned some wonderful news yesterday. To give a little background: A few of my cousins are in this acting troup type thing, and the group puts on a big show every spring. I have never missed a show since the oldest of the girls started in it, and now is the first year that the youngest will be in it. With everything going on with my job situation, as well as all the happenings at church, I really doubted weather I'd be able to go this year, having no gas money, and needing to be back for sunday service (they live around 4 hours away). Then yesterday, I get an e-mail saying that my aunt and grandma are going down, but have to come back saturday night (they usually all stay through sunday), and so I called my aunt and talked to her, and she said that they had been wondering if I'd want to come with them. It was just such a blessing, and I know that God has opened this door. Now I pray to be a light to my family while I am with them. They are all very catholic, but I still wonder at their actually being saved. I pray that God will give me the words to say, and the wisdom to know when not to talk. I pray that He guides my actions as well, that they may see the difference in my life. I do not get to see my family very often, and want to be able to make the most of it while I am with them. I want them to know the joy and the real life that there is in Jesus.

Movies and other happenings...

2006-02-28T10:55:00.000-06:00

soo, let's see... Last friday was the Tom Feldmann concert at the coffeehouse, which was great. I will have to see about getting a cd when I have money again... After the concert, Danielle and Brady invited a bunch of people over to watch a movie. First we watched scenes of Rocky 4 while waiting for everyone to get there... it was... interesting... Brady made up a ton of popcorn, as well as pizza, and chips and salsa... and half-eaten chocolates... yeah... anyway... Finally we got around to watching the movie we had come to watch which is called Mirror Mask. It is such an awesome movie! It seems to be a mix of... well... Labyrinth and Dark Crystal and Neverending Story. I want to buy it (again, when I have money). By the time the movie was over, it was around 1 am or so.... Then most people left, and Brady put in some Mystery Science Theatre stuff (I think that was what it was) and we watched that for a while. I didn't get to sleep that night until around 3am...
Saturday I mostly relaxed and... I don't really remember, actually... (very eventful, huh?)
Sunday was church. Before church started I got rather a shock. I was looking back over who was there yet, and I saw an old friend from high school walk in with the guy I had mentioned in my last post. I was like, shocked... I had totally not expected to see him... at all... It was really cool, though. I didn't get a chance to really talk to him at all, though, since I was working in the coffeehouse after church and so was fairly busy. I really hope that he comes again, though.
Monday I was at home most of the day, because of the fact that we had someone coming to fix our dishwasher (which wasn't draining, and so was really gross...) In the morning I got a call from Kmart, and scheduled an interview for friday. Yayness! I got the kitchen cleaned and washed some clothes. The repair man came and found, after listening to the machine run of a bit, that this little thing was plugged, and got it unplugged, and told me how it could be fixed so that the water didn't run through that spot (it was something that only a homeowner can do, or something...). Then in the evening I went to bible study, and a guy I met last week at this concert on campus came, which was really cool. After study we went to the coffeehouse (as usual) and played a game of Farkle (as usual).
Today... well, I'm not sure what's going to go on today... I need to stop by the library and pick up a couple books, and do my new poster route, and then maybe hang at the coffeehouse for a little while. Yeah...

old friends

2006-02-23T17:05:00.000-06:00

Today I went to the public library to drop off a couple things, and to check and see if something I wanted was in yet, and who do I run into but one of my old friends from high school whom I haven't seen in.... years. She was wanting to go online and look for directions, but all the computers there were being used, so I invited her to come with the to the coffeehouse and check there. We talked a bit and I invited her to come to the concert tomorrow. It was kinda funny when she and I were leaving, Tim (the pastor, if you don't aready know that...) walked past, and I told her "hey, that was my pastor" She did a sort of double take, and then went "no way, you have to be kidding me! You have to be joking!" After repeating this for a short time, said that she had never heard of a pastor like Tim before. She said that she wants to get together again soon. This is such a great oppertunity, and I really never thought I'd get a chance to even see her again, let alone talk and hang out.

Yesterday I also got to talk with another of my old classmates who I hadn't seen since getting out of school. He came to the biblestudy. It's seems soo strange to be meeting these people again after so long, and after soo much change in my own life. It seems sad to say that I really didn't see much change in theirs. They still seemed the same people as I had known in high school. One that is living for today, the other searching for truth and not seeing it. I pray for both of them, and hope that I will be able to see them again more. I want them to be able to have the life that I know there is out there for them.

typing...

2006-02-22T10:29:00.000-06:00

In my recent job hunting, I have come back to an idea that I had thought of a few times already. I have always liked typing, and actually do so when I'm bored. I've never had a class in it, but I know I enjoy doing it. Yesterday I took an online typing test, and my best WPM was 48. I don't know if that's good or not. Where would I look to find a job using this skill? I really have no idea at the moment.

christian chat rooms

2006-02-15T12:41:00.000-06:00

So, yeah, yesterday evening I was getting kinda despressed and lonely. So I decided to go online for a while. I went in a yahoo christian chatroom. I usually stay away from such things, considering them a waste of time, but I was in need of talking with others right then. It wasn't long before a few people started talking to me, and I had a number of interesting conversations. It seemed like most of the people I talked to were not from the US. One was from Ghana, and another from Pakistan. It was hard talking to the guy from Ghana, I don't think he knew english very well. The Pakistani was interesting to talk to, though. He was telling me about how hard it is to be a christian in Pakistan. Then another person started talking to me, trying to tell me that christianity and islam is the same thing (or something like that). I don't know all that much about Islam, but I know enough to know that they aren't they same. The night ended with a girl (I think it was a girl) who kept trying to tell everyone that Jesus was only a man, and not God in the flesh. That conversation got pretty crazy (it was in the main chat room) and so I decided to leave. She didn't want to listen to what anyone else wanted to say, and there was another guy calling himself "Jesus Christ" who was saying that God says it's okay to do anything or some such....

I think I've had enough of chat rooms for a while now...

Valentines Day

2006-02-14T14:19:00.000-06:00

I didn't even know it was valentines day until I stopped by the coffeehouse today. It just doesn't seem like it is. I remember last valentines day. I spent almost all day with my fiancee. Now I'm single. I'm not complaining, it's a good thing that I'm single now. I really wasn't ready for a relationship last year, and it got messed up. Maybe I'll tell more of that story some other time...

I don't know if I'm going to be doing anything special today. I don't really have any reason to. Maybe I'll go home and read... or just hang out here at the coffeehouse for a while and see if anyone interesting comes in.

Hehe... I just thought... for part of my valentines gift I got four pairs of thick black socks. They've been my main socks for a whole years now. No wonder they're getting worn out...

healthy living

2006-02-13T11:57:00.000-06:00

In the past couple weeks I've come to a decision. I need to work out and eat healthier. I get a good workout each week walking around on campus putting up posters and filling WOTS racks, while carrying a backpack full of WOTS. I've been trying to eat salads and other healthy foods, and stay away from caffiene (for more then one reason) and other such stuff. I've never really liked the idea of "dieting". For years my mom has going from one form of dieting to another. As far back as I can remember she's tried and then stopped each new plan out there. I don't want to get into something like that. I want this to be truely a change of lifestyle, and not a passing fad. We have a workout bike here at home that most often has been sitting in a corner collecting dust. The other day I decided to move it into my room and use it (putting it in my room means I can use it when other people are sleeping). I used to ride bike all the time, it was my primary way of getting around. I realized that I'm really out of shape now. So I'm going to try and ride at least 15 to 20 miles a day. Riding also gives me a time to clear my mind and pray, to meditate on God's word, and to relax (even if that does sound strange). I think best when my body is moving, and so I used to go walking often. Now I've come to realize that mostly when I go walking I start daydreaming and that leads me down a path I don't want to follow again. So, now I ride the bike. I only pray that I can continue as I have started. The main part of my workout routine that I need to work on is something I'm not sure how to go about. I need some sort of upperbody workout. If anyone has some ideas of a cheap and easily memorable way in which I could do this, please let me know.

Movie night

2006-02-11T09:04:00.000-06:00

Well, last night was the B movie night at the coffeehouse. I'd have to say it was one of the funniest I've seen yet. I'm not sure what was better, the animal noises or the "scary" monster.

After the movie, it was fun going over to Perkins and hanging out for a while.

Now it's the prayer breakfast/workday, and I better get going. I'm supposed to be helping clean-up and such...

because I don't already have enough blogs...

2006-02-10T16:51:00.000-06:00

I decided to see how this how this site differs from xanga (I also wanted a place where other people could comment easily). I don't know exactly what I'll be using this one for. I might just write the same thing on both my main blog and this one, or... I don't know... Anyway.... yeah...

If you have no clue what I'm babbling about, you can check out my xanga blog at http://www.xanga.com/sarina_nightflower

Well, I guess that's it for now....

~H